| Issue #1: Tax Policy | Position: 800 |
| The Crazy Looney Party Supports only a tax on comic books! | |
| Issue #2: Environmental Policy | Position: 32 |
| The CLP believes that all people should stop breathing air to conserve this important resource. | |
| Issue # 3: Entrepreneurial Policy | Position: 6 |
| The CLP doesn't know what entrepreneurial means | |
| Issue #4: Law and Order Policy | Position: 10 |
| The CLP likes the tv show! | |
| Issue #5: Health Care Policy | Position: 400 |
| The CLP thinks that health care is the most important issue facing the country today. It basically believes that people need to be healthy and that laughter is the key to good health. The CLP will thus support government subsidies of comedy shows on Ruritanian television. | |
| Issue #6: Rights Policy | Position: 0 |
| We are Lefts and thus do not support rights | |
| Issue #7: Educational Policy | Position: 0 |
| We have no position because we have no edukayshun | |
| Issue #8: Housing Policy | Position: 0 |
| We have no position. | |
| Issue #9: Energy Policy | Position: 0 |
| We have run out of energy filling out this form | |
| Issue #10: Cultural Policy | Position: 0 |
| From our previous positions, it is obvious what we think about culture! | |
| Selected Issue: Free Twinkies for all | Position: 300 |
| The CLP supports the medicinal benefits of Twinkies and pledges to provide them free to all Ruritanians! | |